I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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