Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
