the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
this hospital has no fireball
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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