My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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