just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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