I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
