the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
