fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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