i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize