I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
