Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
