I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
