I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
