Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
