I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
