Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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