Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize