Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
