I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
