Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize