I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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