awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
