we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
