i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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