some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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