do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
