Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
