I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
