I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
