He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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