i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
