that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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