i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
