Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
