just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize