i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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