i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
