You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
