I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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