winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
