ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He felt like a one man threesome
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
