I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
