oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
