i barfeds in our rink
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
