Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
