My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
