Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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