he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
