He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize