we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
