dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
