I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
