every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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