I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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