Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
