My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
