I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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