i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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