Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
