is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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