Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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