I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
where am i from again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
