who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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