The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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