I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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