I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize