The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
