we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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