What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize