oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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