Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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