I just saw a hot homeless man
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
