So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
