People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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