no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
