All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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