I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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