I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
vagina is talking i cant
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
