I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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