we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
