You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
