i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
