Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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