And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize