Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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