so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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