its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
