I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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