it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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