Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
