I'm pants shitting drunk right now
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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