i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
