Im at strip club and am horny
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
