i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
