Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
