Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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