its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
