I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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