I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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