God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
