Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
