I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
