No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize