My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
