I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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