peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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